Home Living, with Kitty Pryde!
by Karos
Summary: I'm having faaar too much fun with this...the show starts, and Bobby and Hank emerge from the lab...
1. Forge and The Muffins

            Forge frowned as he entered the mansion.  _Odd…they told me to hurry over... "Hello?  Anyone here?"_

            "_There you are!"_

            Forge turned and, to his horror, saw Kitty Pryde enter…with a plate full of muffins!  _They're all dead.  They'll never find the bodies…_

"Gee, I hope you weren't, like, waiting too long.  The Prof said you were begging to be my new taste tester, so I made a special batch just for you!"

            Forge forced a grin over his face.  "Um…groovy, Kitty!  Just out of curiousity…where _is Xavier?"_

            Kitty shrugged happily.  "Something about a dangerous mutant in Hong Kong.  Everyone else had to go, but Logan said I could stay behind and make sure the muffins didn't burn."

            _Damn them all the Hell and back!  "Oh…"  Apprehensively, Forge bit into a proffered muffin, eyes widening as his taste buds, unable to cope, went on strike, leaving poor Forge on his own.  Heavily, he swallowed.  _I live in a pocket dimension for years…and I'm taken out by a muffin.  Oh, yes, they will pay…__

            "So?  Like, what'd ya think?"

            A Very Evil Thought passed through Forge's mind.  "Why…it's wonderful, Kitty."

            "_Really?!_"

            Forge grinned as he placed an arm around her shoulders, leading her back to the kitchen.  "Oh, yes.  You've learned so much in home ec…I bet you've learned other things besides cooking, too, haven't you?"  At Kitty's nod he continued.  "Well, I have an idea, Kitty, of how we can share your newfound knowledge with _everyone…"_

            Laughing, the X-Men and the New Mutants piled off the plane, all carrying shopping bags.  

            "Who knew Hong Kong had such great shopping malls?" Amara commented, trying on her new jacket. 

            Leaving the others behind, the X-Men went with Logan, Ororo, and Xavier to the debriefing room to cook up their story.

            Upon entering, however, the room went into Defcon 4 mode, locking them in.

            Jean looked around nervously.  "This can't be good."

            Xavier solemnly agreed.  "No.  I'm afraid my worse fears have come true…perhaps leaving Forge to deal with Kitty wasn't the best idea you've had, Logan."

            Wolverine growled.  "ME?!  It was Storm's idea!"

            "Was NOT!" the weather goddess declared, eyes narrowing.

            "No, it wasn't a good idea at all," an eerily familiar, yet manic voice declared.  Whirling, the group saw Forge's (psychotically) grinning face on the large screen monitor.  "Ever heard of Karma, dudes?  It's a bitch."  The screen then blacked out.

            "We're gonna die, ain't we?" Rogue asked softly.

            "Meine Schwester is right," Kurt sorrowfully agreed.

            The screen then flipped on again, to show…the beginnings of Martha Stewart?  But wait!  The horror!  For instead of Martha Stewart, the name across the screen is…Kitty Pryde!!!

            Scott began to blast at the door.  "For the love of God, Forge, let us out!!"

            And Forge cackled.


	2. Revenge is Fun!

A/N:  *Grins as she bounces in* Hullo, boyos!  I'm baaaaaa-aaack!  *glares at running masses*  Oh, come ON!  This is fun!!  *snags running fictive*  YOU!! You're my muse now!!  *spins around to see…Cable*

Cable:  Oh…flonq…

Me:  That's right, my friends!!  I have my very own muse, complete with messiah complex!!

Cable:  I do NOT have a messiah complex.

Me: *waves hand*  Sure, sure.  At least it's not an Oedipus complex…*eyes glint wickedly* Though that idea DOES have merit…

Cable: *pales*  You wouldn't…

Me: *shrugs*  Why not?  You're family's had everything else happen to it.  Besides, you and Jean were standing awfully close after the whole Twelve catastrophe…

Cable: *gulps*  I promise I'll be good.

Me: *pats head*  Good Muse.  Have some coffee.

Cable:  *drinks coffee like there's no tomorrow*

Me: *grins at screen*  Notice I didn't say I wouldn't do it…

Cable: WHAT?!

Me: *hurriedly, and now covered in sprayed coffee*  And now on with the fic!  *aside*  Cable, put down the gun…Nathan Christopher Charles Dayspring Askani'son Winters Summers, put down the gun!!

            Kitty grinned perkily from the screen.  "Hi!  Welcome to Home Living with Kitty Pryde!  Today I'll show all you mutants out there how to take potential disasters and make them into crafty wonders!

            Scott had stopped blasting the door by now, and was instead trying to pry the plating off the wall, assisted by Jean Grey's telekinesis.  "Why are you all taking it so well?!" he snapped.

            Rogue calmly smiled at him.  "Ah live with the gal.  Ah'm jest plannin' mah revenge right now…oh, yes…" She cackled, eyes glinting evilly, causing Kurt and Logan to scoot away from her.  

            Ororo didn't bother to reply, as she was to busy venting her frustration through a tornado in SOHO.  This would eventually lead to a leather jacket being swept into the path of gamma rays, creating the next menace of the week, but no one would ever make the connection.

            Xavier just smiled.  He was currently in the mind of Donatello Cicaro, the twenty-something idol who was sweeping the world.  It was good to be a telepath…oh yes…

            Kitty, meanwhile, had moved on to her first craft.  "Ever gone to the shower and wondered, 'Just what CAN I do with all this blue fur?'"  She held up a clump for example.

            Kurt glared at his companions.  "I'm shedding my vinter coat, alright?  I don't vant to hear it."

            There was briefly silence before Logan spoke.  "Yeah, but how hard can it be to clean the drain, Elf?"

            Kurt then proceeded to show off his Very Sharp Fangs™  and growl.  Logan wisely dropped the point.

            "Well," Kitty continued.  "With a little glue, and some Popsicle sticks, we have a fluffy picture frame!"  She held up the finished product, smiling.

            "Mein Gott…is it to late to join Magneto?" Kurt vondered-er, wondered.

            Scott and Jean had given up on escaping, and were currently making out, much to the disgust of the other room occupants.

            "Get a room!" Rogue yelled, then paused.  "Okay, Ah can see how that ain't happenin'…jest STOP it, already!"

            Glaring, the couple made their way to the corner.

            Ororo banged her head against the table.  "When this is over, Forge dies," she said firmly.

            Everyone else nodded in agreement.

            At the same moment Hank was emerging from his lab, Bobby in tow.  The two had locked themselves in there a week ago, mumbling something about an endless Twinkie source.

            "We never speak of this to anyone," he said hoarsely, trying to forget the havoc that had been wrecked in his beautiful lab.

            "No problem," Bobby fervently agreed, then widened his eyes.  "What if it gets out?!"

            Hank paused.  "Ever been to Norway?"

            The two were still discussing escape plans when they came across Forge cackling manically in the control room, finger dancing to Ricky Martin.

            Bobby looked at Hank.

            Hank looked at Bobby.

            "Um…Forge?"

            Forge grinned at them.  "ThE mUfFiNs WaNt To PlAy.  WiLl YoU pLaY wItH tHeM?"

            Bobby looked at Hank.

            Hank looked at Bobby.

            Hank carefully closed the door to the control room.  "I didn't see it if you didn't."

            Bobby nodded.  "Right, man."

            The two then went to the kitchen and ordered pizza.

            Just another day at the Xavier Insititute…  
  


            A/N: BWAHAHAHA!!! And the insanity continues!!!


	3. Indulging the Inner Sadist

A/N:  *shakes head*  I'm disturbed by the frequency of my updates.  It's just not natural…

Cable: YOU are not allowed to talk about being disturbed, Ms "let's see how much MORE damage we can do to Nathan's psyche!"

Me:  *blinks*  Is it just me, or does that sound like a fic idea?  I think it does!

Cable:  AARRGGGHHH!!!  That's IT!!  Give me Pocket-lips any day!  I'm outta here!!  *runs, but goes no where*

Me: *sigh*  He's a slow learner, ain't he?  Must be because of that time Bobby dropped him on his head as a baby…

Cable:  Drake did WHAT?!

Me:  And on that note, on with the madness!

            Kitty had put the frame aside, and was now holding what appeared to be red stones.

            "HEY!" Scott roared, abruptly breaking his embrace with Jean (much to everyone's relief.  They really didn't want to see lil' Nate or lil' Rachel conceived, thank you very much.  Cable:  You're paying for my therapy when this is all over.)  "Those are my spare shades!!!"

            "Correction: those VERE your spare shades," Kurt commented, eyeing the broken sunglass fragments.

            Jean humphed and pulled away, straightening her shirt and hair.  Mumbling about men in general and a certain red-eyed one in particular, she flopped next to Rogue. Who was, incidentally, still giggling insanely about her plot for revenge.  

            Logan had fallen asleep, snoring softly, much to Kurt's amusement.  He was entertaining himself by putting fur into Logan's mouth, piece by piece.  So far, Logan looked like he had eaten a bird's nest, but hadn't awoken.

            Xavier's eyes were starting to get the glazed, porno-watching look, much to Ororo's discomfort, as he was looking right at her.  "When we get out of here, I'm getting a raise," she mumbled unhappily.

            "And now we'll explore the wonderful world of stained glass!"

            Jean suddenly grabbed Rogue's face, smiling as her power was drained and she fell unconscious.  Luckily, Rogue was so out of it she didn't notice.

            "Curses. I was going to try that," Scott muttered.

            Meanwhile…

            Roberto glanced up from the Chinese porno mag he was ogling.  "Has anyone noticed the others have been in there a really long time?"

            Pause.

            "Maybe something happened," Amara suggested from where she was modeling a silk blouse she'd bought.

            "Maybe we should check on them," Jubilee added.

            Silence.

            "Or maybe we should throw a party."

            "Yup."

            And with that the New Mutants spread throughout the mansion, each calling up different guests.

            And also meanwhile…

            Bobby nervously swallowed his piece of pizza.  "Um, Hank?"

            "Yes, Robert?"

            "Is it just me…or is the wall bulging?"

            Beast spun to look at the wall-the wall that separated his lab from the rest of the mansion.  "Oh my stars and garters…it is…"

            Bobby thought.  "So that means…"

            "…it's loose," Hank whispered.

            "I'll start packing.  You get the passports."


End file.
